falling slowly..

there comes a time
when u want to write ..
but dont want those words to be read..
by anyone..

u just want those words to fly out of the window..
into the universe..
fly through that small hole in time..

so that years later
on a silent evening,
when u are sipping ur coffee
and the soft evening breeze is brushing against ur face ..

these words will fly in then..
and u'd read them again and smile..
smile at the yesterday-you
smile because it's all over now..
n smile because u wish u could peep thru that hole and tell her
to just wait.. this is what is in store for u..

so i send out these words today.. so that i may smile tomorrow..

m falling..

and i am scared

very scared.

home...

Am shifting again.. same town .. better flat..so spent most of last night wondering how i'd want to decorate my room this time.. the colours.. the layout.. how best can i fit everything .. do i want plants in the balcony.. will i be around to take care of them.. maybe a money plant would be fun :).. do i want to keep a pet.. too much! .. what about the walls.. paint something?... maybe some frames would be fun.. fav pics on the wall.. my books.. how will i keep them.. maybe make a reading corner or something .. will need a workstation too .. need a little quiet space too.. some space for my carrom.. and maybe some other stuff.. (just in case u r wondering ...m still planning the layout of my room.. not an entire bungalow!)

spent a lot of time thinking all this.. rearranging furniture in my head.. colour coordinating.. planning things to get.. places to get them from..

... this is my home .. not own as yet.. still mine..

and then i realised ... i've come to that point in my life.. where my home isnt where my family is or where i was born or where i spent most of my life..

My home..my abode.. is where ever i go

wherever i choose i shall stop to stay

Where i set my bags down

.. that is where i belong

in everyone of us lies a 'supertramp' .. who wants to chase that one dream that it knows is its destiny.. the meaning of its life..

yet we chose to follow paths that are set for us.. convincing ourselves that what we feel is silly .. and what we now think is right.. this is what we should do..

and then at some point .. when we are by ourself.. and we look inside.. we see that sad 'us' looking back.. asking just one question.. why didnt u give me a chance.. why didnt u have a little faith in me.

today i cry.. for that 'supertramp' in me .. that i chose to kill.