a silent voice
or a heart in screams
is it the sounds
that's taking you upstream

is there a sight
that will see through the fog
is there a fate
that will erase the log

for wherever that boat takes you
the route wont be what you drew
rocking or still, the water decides
shortly everything will be new

but the question that may linger
a question that may tug your heart
if the side you are going to is really the 'other'
or are you just returning to the start?

Abode..

" .. this is the best city in the world.. who would want to live anywhere else.. "

".. I can't imagine what it is like to shift like that suddenly.. must be feeling uprooted"

".. maybe it's time you made this city your home"

".. dont wish to go far from everyone you know.. sometimes wises do come true"

" ... another city.. isnt that too far.. you dont even have a single immediate family or friend there"

"... you travel so much.. do you ever stay at one place for long?"
 
"...remya, where is your real home..."

 ... words that a vagabond heard over the years.. words that made her dwell on where she really belonged to.. and if that 'where' needs to have a 'physical' sense to it.. isnt it much simpler to just let it be a state of mind? Roots.. abode.. home.. can they mean something to me.. do they need to? .. Cant it just be a bunch of people I always want to be with? My true abode.. my home?

I love the state of my existence.. no permanent address.. no place to be associated with .. and yet.. today when i created an abode.. it too feels right.

 I now have an abode of my own.
I guess some journeys are not in the journey .. but the destination.

I told the winds..

The mocking winds pushed my sail
Off to unknown lands
And the dreary clouds darkened the skies
For the now triumphant tides had taken my stand

The winds laughed as it pulled my boat
Dragging along everything I'd put at stake
Smiling I told the winds, "Blow away,
I am just taking a break"

way of life..

I guess somewhere you believed this way of life wouldn’t be it.

When you were in the 10^th you thought that would be the last ‘tough’ exam.. that there would no longer be stressful times as that when you didn’t understand why everyone made a big deal of something that would pass – it’s just an exam..

And then came the next few years of schooling.. and then the mba rush.. n then the rush to find a ‘good’ job..

You thought it would end then.. and finally your way of life would start..

And the years roll by and you still find yourself doing what you did then

Staying up at night .. working on something that ‘has to be finished the next day’

And you wonder .. when is your way of life going to start. When will you stop chasing time.. and have time chase you instead..

I guess you need to keep on believing – that this way of life needn’t be it.

That time of the year..

This was something I wrote on Jan 1st 2012....

That time of the year when you look back and say, “What the hell just happened!!”

For me.. well.. I started the year in the capital… ecstatic that I was headed to the place I love .. but instead was thrown out of gear into something I just hadn’t planned for. And from there the surprises started! Awesome new friends in a city I had a chance to rediscover.. the comfort of ol friends.. setting up my home in an another city altogether, the madness of the place, the pace, the people, the strange language.. and the company of some more new friends.. This year has been one crazy year of friendship for me.. friends I know are going to stay till they choose to leave.. friends who I know I will go the extra mile for. New travels, new places, special times with family, much awaited success stories in some others' lives .. the relief in their voice … memorable moments… yes this year has given it all..

And there have been times.. times that dragged me down.. times that took the control of my life away from me .. times that made me wonder day in and day out if where I was, was where I wanted to be.

Yet, when I woke up this new year, in a quiet room, in a distant land, with the sea breeze slowly gracing me .. I realized what the year gone by had done to me.. it had brought me peace.. peace for a love that had failed me.. peace for a friendship that I feared had slipped out of my hands.. peace for the way my life had gone beyond my control .. and most importantly peace to have faith again.

And it’s with that note that I end this one..

.. and begin this year.

I believe.